Somewhere With Regret

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WARNING: There may be some foul language. I can’t be sure because I am just starting to write this but who the hell knows where it’s going to lead. Just in case I go off on a rant that includes foul language- you’ve been warned. If I don’t end up using foul language, I apologize for wasting your time on this lengthy disclaimer. I mean, now I feel obligated to swear. I throw a random “FUCK” in there at some point for you.

I just want to make sure you’re getting your money’s worth.

I’m a good person.

Let’s begin.

It has recently come to my attention, much to my surprise, that the whole world doesn’t read my blog. I’m really just as shocked as you are! I certainly feel that if everyone just sat and read this silly little thing, so many of the world’s problems would be solved.

If you don’t believe me, go ahead and finish reading this post and then just start reading everything else on the blog.

It’s Halloween Horror Nights season and life is wonderful. It is my favorite event ever and I couldn’t be happier to be able to spend my free time wandering around and seeing every little thing this event has to offer. I LOVE HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS!

I hate people.

It would seem that the ass-clowns are out in full force this year and I find myself once again compelled to share some nuggets of wisdoms for anyone planning on stepping foot onto the hallowed grounds of this sacred event.

With all of that I’m super proud to present:

A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO NOT BEING AN A-HOLE AT HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS: 2018 EDITION

So without further ado here we go:

Turn Off Your Damn Flashlight/Camera Flash

Yes the scarezones are dark and scary. That’s the point. Having your flashlight on is painfully irritating to performers and messes up their ability to see what they are doing, especially since they are relying on their night vision to be able to do their job.

Now, as a photographer I can understand the frustration of the lighting in the scarezones but I also know how terrible flash looks in these photos.

How does it look Josh?

Fucking terrible. Don’t bother.

When I realized what a pain low-light photography was, what did I do? I did some research online and bought a low-light lens and learned how to photograph in the dark without a flash. It’s highly frustrating and hard but it’s worth it.

While we are on the subject of taking pictures…

Scare Actors are Not Your Personal Models

One of my biggest pet peeves are the photographers that I see taking up scare actors time by posing them all over the place to get pictures.

Newsflash.

They are not models, they are actors doing a job.

Personally, I thrive on action photos and prefer that actors keep doing their thing. If they slow down for a brief moment or linger a little bit longer for me then that’s on them. I have never and will never ask an actor to pose for me.

In the interest of full disclosure I have, on occasion, advised friends to “move towards the light”.

In a “I need more light so I don’t use flash like an asshole” was not a “time to move on from this world” sort of way… in case that wasn’t clear.

Keep Your Damn Hands to Your Own Damn Self

During the 2015 run of Halloween Horror Nights the actress playing Carrie in the Drive-In Scare Zone had to resign midway through the run because she was constantly being assaulted by guests. Even after increasing security in the zone, including OPD, people still felt the need to put their hands on her.

More recently, a scare actor in the Killer Klowns from Outerspace was attacked and beaten by a group of teenagers. More of a reason why kids shouldn’t be allowed in. At all. Ever.

My point?

DON’T TOUCH THE ACTORS

Even to get their attention.

Keep your hands off.

They aren’t allowed to touch you. You’re not allowed to touch them. That’s how this game works.

They have a job to do. If you’d like to ask them for a photo, wait until they are looking at you and ask politely. If they say yes, be quick. If they say no, then don’t be a jerk about it. There’s a good chance, they’ve been instructed by their management not to pose for photos. Sometimes this is because other people have ruined it for others (refer to the above photographers taking up time posing actors).

Don’t get pushy. Don’t be a jerk. They are following the rules.

You should too.

Let’s Just Pretend the Event is 13+

Can we take a moment to discuss parents that brings their small children to the event and how terrible they are? I’m sorry, it drives me insane.

I see it all too often every year- kids that are clearly terrified and don’t want to be there, and parents forcing them along.

I know there are no age restrictions on the event but let’s use some damn common sense people.

For more on this please see my post: A Parent’s Guide To Halloween Horror Nights

The Event Will ALWAYS be Un-Family-Friendly

Are people seriously complaining that the event is too scary? Yep!

Can they get over it? Probably not but they’re going to have to!

The event is always going to be gory and feature upsetting imagery. That is the nature of horror and it’s not going to change any time soon.

Halloween Horror Nights is a time for the adult to [responsibly] let loose and have some theme park fun without the little ones. So leave them at home. And if you’re an adult that can’t handle the gore, you can be the one watching the little ones.

Full circle. Solving the world’s problems right here!

KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS TO YOUR OWN DAMN SELF: Part 2

About mid-way through this 2017’s HHN run, a performer in the American Horror Story house was roundhouse kicked in the face.

Roundhouse.

Kicked.

In.

The.

Face.

I’m sorry, that is not a normal human reaction to being scared. You have to be a special kind of asshole to do something like that.

Another performer in The Shining house was punched so hard she was sent to the hospital with a concussion and could no longer perform for the run.

Another actress in American Horror Story was punched in the face.

Sensing a theme here?

Don’t be an asshole and keep your damn hands to yourself.

If your fear reaction is violence then maybe you should stay at home.

Three Words: Designated. Smoking. Area.

For some stupid reason people seem to think that just because the sun has set, the whole world is their smoking area.

Nope. We’re still in a theme park. Rules still apply. You can’t just smoke anywhere.

Yet they do.

It’s 2018 and, I’m sorry, smoking is a damn dirty habit and we all know better. Yet for some reason, people will light up wherever they feel like it with little regard to those around them.

I’m including people that vape. It still smells gross and I don’t need that in my life.

Yes, I know lines get long but either get out of line to smoke or you’re going to need to wait. I had a guy in front of me in a line vaping and I got caught in the cloud and damn near threw-up. I was gagging and made a point to let this guy know that if I’m about to lose my pizza fries, it’s going to be on him and I would give zero fucks about it.

If you feel the need to slowly kill yourself, that’s on you. Second hand smoke is still harmful to the rest of us so stop being a jerk and wait until you’re in an appropriate area to smoke.

KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS TO YOUR OWN DAMN SELF: Part 3

It is 2018. If there is one thing that we’ve all become experts on, it’s sexual harassment/assault. In case you are uncertain, here’s a quick rundown:

Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will. It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape (forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse or the torture of the person in a sexual manner.

Are we all caught up? Good.

WHY HAVEN’T WE LEARNED THIS LESSON?!

This year seems to have brought out a special blend of douche-canoe as stories of sexual assault against performers and even staff of the event.

A witch in Scary Tales was groped and felt up. An actor playing a pig in the same house was grabbed in the crotch by a guest. The same for an actor playing Michael Meyers in the Halloween house. The actor playing Steve in the Stanger Things house was pinned against a wall by a guest and forcibly made out with. A friend of mine who is a tech was on set fixing something while a house was open and a guest came up behind her and grabbed her chest.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

In no world is this kind of behavior okay. It is illegal. I’m not just talking getting kicked out of the event and trespassed from the park, I’m talking about police getting involved and you ending up with a record.

I honestly cannot, for the life of me, fathom what makes people think this is okay on ANY LEVEL.

I’m beyond mortified.

Leave the Scares to the Scare Actors

Do you have an overwhelming desire to run up behind people and scream at them and scare them?

GREAT!

Audition to be a scare actor!

Are you at Halloween Horror Nights and being paid to scare people?

GREAT!

DO THAT!

Are you are Halloween Horror Nights and NOT being paid to scare people?

No?

THEN STOP RUNNING UP BEHIND SCARE ACTORS AND SCREAMING AT THEM!

It is their job to provide the scares. If you don’t like that and you’re going to get upset and scream at them, then maybe this isn’t the event for you.

Actors have a job to do and they are concentrating hard on doing it. Don’t create and unsafe environment for them by screaming in their ears and running away. If you think this move is going to impress girls or your pre-pubescent friends, I can promise you, it’s not.

And so help me, if I see you do something like this and your escape route comes by me I’m tripping your ass and I can promise that witnesses will probably non-existent because NO ONE LIKES YOU. I don’t work here, you’re not getting me fired.

That all said, we still have 24 days until we say goodbye to Halloween Horror Nights until next year. (Note that there’s not 24 nights of HHN left but just 24 days until the last night because I’m too lazy to figure out how many actually event nights are left. I mean, I probably could have looked it up in the time it took me to write this but… it’s not going to happen.)

What was my point?

Ah, yes. There is still plenty of time to enjoy the event and in an effort to help others enjoy it as well, just follow the above rules and I promise it’s going to make life a hell of a lot easier for all of us. And feel free to follow this advice in all aspects of your life.

If that’s all too much to remember, then just remember this: STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE.

Did I forget anything? Anything I should take into consideration for the inevitable 2019 edition of this post? Let me know in the comments! Did you enjoy this post? Share with friends! Do you enjoy my nonsense? Click follow or subscribe by email!

That’s all.